Divorce Agreement

Back in the early 2000’s; 2009 -2010 depending on what site you agree with, there was a letter that made it’s way around the internet.

It was written allegedly, by a law student from an un-named college and it’s subject was a divorce agreement between Liberal and Conservative America.

Even though it was labeled as more of a humorous piece, it still shared many of the feelings harbored by a large number on the Conservative side of the political aisle.

Here it is 2018 and the divide between Democrat and Republican has grown even wider than during the Obama-era. That the Democrats; in general, hate anything to do with the Republicans, particularly President Trump, is not up for debate.

Other solutions may be out there that will gradually eliminate the causes of divison between the two Party’s, but until such are found, perhaps taking another look at such a ‘divorce agreement’ might not be a bad idea… even if it is used as a last resort.

Here’s a link to the original version, as the one below has been “updated” a bit to reflect our more current situation.

DIVORCE AGREEMENT

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, Democrats and associated supporters, et al.:

We have stuck together since the late 1950’s for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is our proposed separation agreement:

–Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the tricky part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

–We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.

–You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU along with any elected officials that adhere to your ideological principles, although I really can’t say that you have such, so let’s just say if they agree with you, keep ’em.

–Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. If any other country decides to invade or otherwise harass you, just send Sen. Feinstein out there to talk to them. Once they realize that no one else is armed, they will lay down their weapons too.

–We’ll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and the coal mines, and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.

–You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, Rosie O’Donnell and any other looney Liberal Hollywood person who thinks that what they say is really important. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to haul their sanctimonious butts around.

–We’ll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. Dollar Generals too.  You can have the artsy-fartsy places, the whole food joints or any place that sells only vegetarian dishes.

–You can have your beloved lifelong welfare queens, food stamp abusers, hippies, druggies and illegal immigrants. Move them to those spectacular ‘sanctuary cities’ you love so much. If the crime rates increase too much, refer to the suggestion made regarding possible invasion. I’m sure it’ll work in this scenario too.

–We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO’s and rednecks. We’ll also keep NASCAR. You can have those NFL players that are a**holes and  refuse to stand for the National Anthem. They should fit right in with the rest of ‘politically-correct’ bunch of goobers you have.

–We’ll keep Bill O’Reilly and Bibles and give you NBC, CBS, ABC, MSNBC, CNN, Salon, Huff Post and the New York Times. Oh speaking of Bibles, you can have the ‘translations” that are gender-neutral or otherwise ‘suited’ to you justifying things that most conservatives wouldn’t.

–You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and North Korea. We will retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.

–You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them security.

–We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values.

–You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley MacLaine. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

–We’ll keep the SUV’s, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volt and Leaf you can find.

–You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.

–We’ll keep “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” and “The National Anthem.”  I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute “Imagine”, “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing”, “Kumbaya” or “We Are the World”.

–We’ll practice trickle-down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.

–Since it so often offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you might think about which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,

John J. Wall

Law Student and an American

(Ed. Note- This is presented as humor. If your sensabilities are offended or you can’t realize that this is a joke as it would really never work; although there are many who wouldn’t mind if it did, then perhaps you just need to admit your a Liberal with no sense of humor and move on)

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